Scanner bumps kiri pani 2.5 x 103 culture

By R. C.Lite

Can you imagine, for a moment, all the extra pressure that the whole body imaging airport scanners will put on (figure conscious) women, and men, in general? I can already see quickie diets claiming to get you through airport check in and check out looking thin and toned becoming all the rage. Not to mention new life injected into shapewear - now for the career woman always on the go, to keep those extra flab tucked in beautifully. And what about when more detailed imaging technology becomes feasible? Will we feel compelled to shave our legs and/or chest hair before catching our flight?

Full body scanners

Full body scanners are all the rage now. It’s the new international trend and not even the reinvented trench coat that the folks at Vogue are going all ga ga about can get within a mile of the scanner fad. Canada, Britain and the Netherlands are going to implement it, the EU is considering it and some US airports are calling for it. So what’s the fuss? Say detractors, it amounts to a digital strip search. But advocates counter there’s nothing to worry — the guy manning the machine will only see the clothed being --- while the image will be seen by another guy in a locked room who can’t see the person being scanned. So, nevermind seeing me in a way my spouse hasn’t for the last 10 years as long as you don’t know who I am? Isn’t it kind of equivalent to anonymously posting naked pictures of you taken with the flash on, in a dark room on the internet, only sans the head? Also says TSA, the image will be deleted as soon as the next person steps through. Poor fellow, the one last in line. Counter detractors that it wouldn’t have showed Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s explosive package anyway because the scanner doesn’t show chemicals or light plastics.
From Unabomber who used old fashioned snail mail to Underwear bomber (as I like to refer to him) who was ready to blow himself up by injecting a syringe of liquid accelerant into his underpants which contained nearly 3 oz of PETN (pentaerythritol tetranitrate), we certainly have come a long way. And while Ted Kaczynski’s story made the movie industry some good dosh, it is highly unlikely that the reinvented Christmas Grinch’s (Jim Carrey you have been trumped) failed attempt would make more than a passing mention in the next Judd Apatow comedy. That is despite the uncanny parallels - Kasinki was a brilliant mathematician, Farouk attended university for a while before dropping out; both were loners and disappeared into the wilderness, Kaczynski into the wilderness of Lincoln, Montana and Farouk into Yemen; and both were snitched out by a suspicious close family member - Kaczynski’s brother and Farouk’s father though the US authorities enjoying themselves too much harassing the innocent were too busy to notice. On second thought, someone call Michael Moore.
And while privacy and freedom advocates are up in arms about ‘the lack of dignity’ ‘the treatment of man like beast’ or worse, others claim other motives. Conspiracy theory enthusiasts have stated that the whole Christmas Day failed bombing was staged so that ‘they’ could bring back the scanners which were on the brink of being ditched altogether and make an excuse to introduce them on a routine ranging basis. Yet others fear that the scanners are harmful and emit radiation that can cause cancer.
“Wait till your penis falls off from radiation and your tune will change”, “Flying in an airplane isn’t worth getting cancer” and “young children are much more sensitive to radiation and this cumulatively will sterilize them” were some of the sound bites off a godlikeproduction.com forum.
It must be noted here that there is no real proof that the millimetre wave emitting scans are anything but harmless to humans.
Women also have a more pressing issue than just having their anatomy observed in detail and in various poses by a stranger locked up in a blind covered room (cheap porn novel or horror movie?). They have a problem dubbed the “tampon paradox” by GUWonder on Flyertalk.com. Will tampons show up on the scanner and if they do, how does the security officer make sure that it is what the woman claims it to be without actually checking it? After all if a man can have the balls to set on fire explosives concealed in underwear, one cannot discount women ding crazier things. Of course this is going to make women very very uncomfortable to say the least. Like women trying to conceive who track their cycles, the travelling woman may have to resort to the same --- either rescheduling her trip or popping a hormonal tablet to delay her cycle, like professional athletes.

Locker room jokes

And what about all those locker room jokes about penis length and girth? Now relocated, to where else but the airport? It may even spark a whole new genre of porn like Paris Hilton’s night vision tape did a few years ago.
We must also take into account the often overlooked people manning the scans. Imagine the plight of the non-perverted fellow stuck in that room and forced to look at all those images. Will he start seeing all things like line drawings? What about his mental health?
In the event of the scanners going mainstream however, it will hold serious repercussions for Sri Lanka. The self appointed culture police (ugh!)s of our precious, glorious, kiri pani 2.5 x 103 year old isle will be in quite a conundrum. Frequent travellers themselves (...only to further study that filthy and rotten western ethos and find more things that are wrong with it and not to put up their feet and lounge at the Ritz, right?) how can they let themselves be seen as only their secretary does, to an unknown man or woman. And even if they have the fortitude to bear it, not for the average Lankan citizen. We couldn’t possibly have our sari clad kanthawo getting into a scan that renders a portrait of them Sigiri apsara style? Such blasphemy. Won’t do. Sri Lankans will simply have to remain confined to their island vegetable like. Unless... we put a tender out for about 10 scanners at triple the original price for our single airport, cover them up with curtains that will change hue with coming colours, send about 100 people and their spouses overseas for a month long training workshop to learn how to operate the technology --- and then find that the scanners are defective and cannot be used. That should make the international (we did try) and local (we’re not using it) communities happy, eh?
For flying Muslims (run for cover) it will be yet another matter to deal with. They would want only operators of their own sex in the scanning room, for instance. Offbeat solutions that have been suggested include a Muslim UK MP calling for all Muslims to be thoroughly searched and an internet user suggesting Mulsims-only airports.
Of course the pounds £100,000 full body scanner is not the only trick up international security authorities’ sleeves. LAX for instance is ready to implement the Israeli model and a number of others are studying it with renewed interest. There are full body pat downs for the bearded, intensive and intimidating staring and following for people naturally coloured brown (fake orange tans not entertained) and a barrage of rigorous and thorough questions for those from the 14 countries listed as dangerous.
To be fair, not everyone is angry of course. Some see it as a prerequisite to safety; another commented on godlikeproductions “We were all brought into this world naked and even God intended for us to live as such within the Garden of Eden; until sin took us over and we became ashamed of our body and it’s natural functions.”